


A Silent Plea

by xiaotuan



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Swearing, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-03-22 14:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiaotuan/pseuds/xiaotuan
Summary: Falling in love is everyone’s dream right? Wrong.For Kim Yugyeom it’s his biggest fear. It’s easier to have no one waiting for him at home after a long day. To have no one to make sure he doesn’t neglect himself when he feels down. To have nobody love him and know that he’s alive. He was betrayed by his friends a few years ago, and now trusting someone is the last thing he promises himself he will do.He’s ruined because of them. He can’t cook and there’s no one to cook for him. He can’t get a job and there’s no money to buy food. He abandoned his family and there’s no one to make sure he eats. He’s thin as a stick, and no one knows.Apart from her.





	1. A Silent Plea 1

**Author's Note:**

> haii! I'm a new writer on ao3! i hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> please read the tags, as they include any trigger warnings that may come up in the story, and read at your own risk. 
> 
> ~ def

“Are you okay?”

He sighs as he hears that question, the one he hears every single day of his empty, meaningless life.

Without looking up from staring at his legs, he knows it’s you. You, that person who barged into his life, the only one who noticed his agony through that sweet, fake, smile he forced himself to wear on the rare occasions he left the house. You, who he won’t admit he’s falling for. You, the one, who cut through all his defenses and grabbed his heart, even when he tried not to let you in.

“I’m fine.”

Those two words, the ones he repeats over and over until he almost believes it himself. He almost believes it, until he sees those scars up and down his arms, and the rib cage sticking out of his chest, covered only by a thin, almost translucent, layer of skin.

But he can’t do anything, because of those thoughts which pierce his mind every time he eats a gram of food, drinks a millimeter of water, consumes a single calorie.

_“Look how fat you are. Pathetic.”_  
_“You can’t even control your own body, let alone the rest of your life.”_  
_“Piggy.”  
_ _“Do you know what she thinks about you? You’re trash.”_

These thoughts haunt his life, every single second of it.

 

* * *

 

You sigh as you see him, noticing every single detail.

The way he throws on a hoodie and track pants, keeping the hood up to mask his face and the mess that is his hair. The way he stares at his legs as if his gaze could somehow make them thinner than the sticks they already were.

His beautiful eyes, endless, bottomless pits of darkness, that have seen hell.   
His sweet smile, the one he only wears to mask the pain within.  
His perfect jawline, formed by weeks of starvation, stripping his body of all the flesh, leaving just skin and bones.

“Are you okay?”

You ask that question every time you see him, yet every time you get the same exact answer.

“I’m fine.”

But you know he isn’t. Because you aren’t just another onlooker in his life, you’ve become a part of him. You’re that rock that keeps him steady. That anchor that keeps him rooted. The only person pulling him from his world of self-hatred, back to reality.

The worry keeps you awake every night, the thoughts that you can’t save him. That you’ll wake up and he’ll be gone from this world.

These thoughts haunt your life, every single second of it.

 

* * *

 

His whole body hurt.

He knew he had to find something to eat, or else he would be gone from this cruel, cruel world. But was leaving really that bad? Was death really something to dread, when his life was a living hell?

A living hell, with one angel. The only one who ever noticed him, made him feel special. That angel was you.

Every time you walked over to the only bench he ever sat at, he would try. He would try to hold the conversation. He would try to listen to you. He would try to ignore those thoughts that clouded his mind every other second of his life. He could ignore the pain when you were here, to heal him temporarily. You were the only thing ever worth fighting for, but how could he let you love him?

Not with those voices in his head. And the truths they told.

_“You don’t deserve her company. Much less her love”_  
_“If she’s an angel, you’re the dirt beneath her feet”_  
_“She does it out of pity, did you really think she wants to sit next to you?”  
_ _“You’d better savour this time now, because she’s leaving soon”_

He couldn’t let you in, not with the fear that you’ll leave.

 

* * *

 

Your whole body hurt. Hurt for him.

You knew she should help. You could see the physical pain on his face, as he tortured himself. You could see the mental pain as he battled with the deadly thoughts in his mind.

You knew he thought he was worthless, but he was an angel to you. So fucking brave, so fucking strong. Because you knew that if you were in his place, you would have lost to the toxic thoughts in seconds.

Every time you walked to that bench he sat on, you could see the suffering of an individual who needed help but refused it. You could see the pain of a person who felt worthless, at the same level as the rubbish in the park bins. You could see those expressions of self-loathing he made when he thought you couldn’t see. But you didn’t know how to help. Because he pushed you away every single time. He’d try to love, and then remember that incident and suddenly retreat into your shell. An empty shell for his body, weak, sick. A strong shell for his mind, keeping everything out.

Complete opposites of the same thing.

_You couldn’t get in, not with his fear that you’ll leave._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n ; i’m sorry for the delay in releasing this <3 i hope you enjoy! please feel free to give me so feedback on the chapter :)

It all started two years ago, on the twenty-second day of the sixth month in the year two thousand and fifteen. Although that day didn’t change your life, it was the start of something that would.

You saw him sitting on his bench, staring at his legs. You walked past him, not noticing anything about a man sitting on a random bench in the middle of town.

The next day, he wasn’t there. Nor was he there on the day after that. Or the day after that. And then suddenly, one day, he was sitting on his bench. Staring at his legs, in the exact same position as last time. But you didn’t notice him this time either. You walked past him, eager to get to work on time.

But the third time, you noticed him. You noticed his dark, sunken eyes. You noticed the thin frame, hidden behind a baggy hoodie and pants. You noticed the forced smile he had on his face. However, the thing that stood out the most was how he was sitting; in the exact same position as the previous times, you’d seen him. And after you noticed all this, you realized he was staring at you with the same intensity you were giving him.

You broke the stare first and started to walk to work in a hurry. All the while, feeling his dark, endless eyes boring into your back.

 

\--------------------

 

You were walking home from work that same day when he first talked to you.

“Why were you staring at me?” A confident voice accused you. But underneath that fake confidence, you could hear the insecurity and nervousness of someone who rarely had interactions with other people. It was the voice of a man who preferred his own company. A man who you later realized, was terrified of other people and what they thought of him.

“I’m sorry.” You reached out to give a comforting pat on his shoulder, expecting to feel just bone and skin, but you were met with empty air. While you were thinking, he had disappeared.

On the rest of your walk, you worried. You worried about this broken man you just met. You could see how he needed help. But you didn’t know how to. So you waited. You waited for the next time you would see him, sitting on his bench, in that hunched, defensive position. Because that was all you could do.

 

\--------------------

 

The next time you saw him, you sat down on his bench, a few inches from where he sat. You sat there for hours on end. He needed someone to be there for him, so you did that. While sitting there, you noticed even more about him. And that made you sad, because all the things you noticed, were filled with negativity.

You noticed the way he would stare at his legs in disgust. You noticed how he would pinch the almost nonexistent flesh of his cheeks. You noticed his lack of energy, and how he would sometimes pass out for a few minutes. You noticed how he shrank into an even more defensive position every time someone walked past. You noticed how he avoided eye contact with everyone. You noticed the dark hollows of his cheeks. You noticed his the eyes, as sunken as the Titanic. You noticed how his clothes looked as if there was nothing underneath them. You noticed the jawline, cut from weeks of starvation. You noticed the pain he held behind a perfect expression of content. You noticed how he chewed at his lips, leaving open cuts and letting the blood drip down onto his hoodie. 

But, you also noticed something that made all the waiting and sadness worth it. He inched closer to you as time passed and by the end of the day, he was leaning on you as he slept into the night.

You could see his vulnerability as he slept, and you realized as you sat there, with a stranger sleeping on your shoulder, You wanted to make his life better./p>


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh again im so sorry for the delay :(
> 
> i'm going to be posting a poetry collection soon so if you can, please go and check it out! if you have any suggestions on the sort of themes or structures, then feel free to drop a comment either here or on the poetry. also, it would be amazing if you could leave some feedback on tsp and how you're finding it so far!

“You can’t save me. Please stop.”

Those were the second words he said to you. Six more words, but those six words held so much meaning for me. They were the words of a broken man. Someone who refused to be fixed, just because he thought that he didn’t deserve it. No other reason, for those words that would push everyone who tried to help him away, then the sole fact that he thought he wasn’t good enough for the earth. Six little, meaningless words that shielded him from the world. The whole world, except me.

“I will. Just let me in.”

Those were the second words you said to him. Six small words, but they were the beginning. They gave you the strength to jump into the bottomless pit to rescue this lost man. You refused to let him go because those six words were a promise that you would fight tooth and nail to uphold. Because you knew if you didn’t, this world would lose another life. A life, lived without love, without value, without hope, a life that wouldn’t be missed by the world. The whole world, except me.

Everyone he went to said that he couldn’t be saved because he didn’t want to be. But they just didn’t try. No blood, sweat or tears were shed, but with you by his side, that would change. You were going to show the world just what they were missing out on. 

After a while, these little exchanges between you grew into something more. You were seeing him more and more regularly, and it was clear to you that you were both growing to trust and respect each other. He was no longer shying away from you when you reached out to give him a hug. He wasn’t ignoring you every time you spoke. He seemed a little more relaxed, although he would close up every time someone walked past his bench. He would sometimes be the first to reach out to you with his frail hands and call out to you with his broken, rasping voice.

It was a few months after you met him that he told you his name. A rainy day, his bench slick with water and little droplets dripping from his hood. You could see his slight frame shivering under that giant hoodie of his, teeth chattering slightly, clenching and unclenching his hands every second. 

“Do you have somewhere to go?” You probed, noticing how he seemed quiet, quieter than he usually was. 

“It’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” You hated those words he would speak because you knew they were lies. Originally they were just lies to protect himself from betrayal, that turned into a device that shut peoples mouths and stopped kind actions. 

“Come over to mine, I’ll warm you up a little.” You looked at him, watching him transform the relaxed position you had become so used to, to that fetal hunch you had known when you first knew him. 

But did you really know him? Where did he come from, how old was he, what were his interests and even his name were all facts that had escaped your conversation. You cared so much, and you were prepared to invest so much time into healing him yet he was a stranger. A stranger that you loved.


End file.
